Thoughts
by Xsaku-uchihaX
Summary: He knew what was happening. He's grace was being ripped out, his family fell, but all of that seemed so insignificant. For the only person on his mind during his final moments as an Angel was Dean.


**AN: Hi, this is my first Destiel ****fan fiction, please be kind.**

**Enjoy**

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_Friendship. Love._

These were all human emotions that he never understood. Sure he knew what they meant and in what context they should be used, but he never truly knew what they meant. How they felt. He knew friendship was between two people that shared a bond and love was between two that shared an even deeper bond. But what exactly was friendship and love?

He's been on this earth for a long time. He watched his brother Gabriel stops Abraham from killing Isaac, he was there when Noah built the Ark and when David took down Goliath. He has witnessed humans at there best and at their worst.

In his mind, this intelligent race of monkeys were intriguing, partially because they were filled with contradiction. One minute they were disgusted by the idea of war and the next they would be slaughtering and conquering their way across the land. They talked about loyalty and honor yet they never stood by their words. For just over two hundred years he was disgusted yet fascinated by this race.

_'Watching humanity never gets old'_

His brothers were always different from him. They never took much interest in the human race. They did what their father asked: to watch over his creations. But they never did any more or any less. To them, humans were merely inferior beings. Beings that thought too highly of themselves yet had no actual skills to speak of. However, he was the opposite of his siblings. He saw what this race of intelligent monkeys were capable of, what kind of destruction they could bring. Sure they were drowning in hubris but that's what made them something to be feared.

He has lived a long time.

He saw how deeply humans love, how easily they trusted each other and how equally as easy that trust can disappear.

They were indeed a fascinating species

He couldn't really say his life was all that interesting. Granted it was entertaining to watch humanity but it also got boring at times. All he ever did was watch, he never had any human interaction. So everything he knows about them were based on the stories his brothers and sisters told him and on what he has observed. But did he understand humans completely? Probably not.

This was his life. He never thought it would change but then came that fateful day. The day when John and Mary Winchester met. Everything in heaven changed. The once dull, serene place was in an uproar. But he didn't care for it. In his mind this little uproar was going to blow over in a few days just like what had happened during the birth of Mohammad.

So he continued his normal routine. He would descend on to earth, hidden from the prying eyes of the humans and observe them. He always had a favorite place. It was a small little park in Lawrence, Kansas. For him that was the place full of life. The birds sang louder and the leaves that hung off the looming trees in that park was much greener than anywhere else. At four o'clock every day, children would scurry into the vicinity like clock work. It was there that he met the Winchesters. They were as normal as any other American family. Mary may have been a hunter at one point in her life but now she was no more different than those other normal humans. But he knew now that his thoughts at that time were ones of ignorance. The meeting of John and Mary was something far bigger than anything he had witnessed. A war was stirring and alliances were being formed.

Years went by before he got the full grasp of the magnitude of the deal with the Winchesters. He had watched the Winchester boys grow up. Watched them become hunters. But in his mind they were no different than the other hunters he encountered. However this all changed when Sam Winchester the younger of the brothers opened the gates of hell. That was the first glimpse of the coming war. After that he became fascinated with them. He saw how strong their brotherly bond was and how willing both were to give up their life if it meant saving the other. Case and point when Dean Winchester so casually made a deal with a cross roads demon. His soul for his brothers'.

Again he thought the deal with these boys ended when Dean was dragged to hell. But again he was being ignorant. Soon after news had spread in the heavens that the Dean Winchester was in hell, he was ordered to raise the man from perdition, something that had never been done before. None of his brothers or sisters wanted the job, but he was an obedient soldier of heaven and he did exactly as asked without questions.

That was when his life changed.

He had always thought of himself as a loyal follower of heaven. A true soldier. A being that was on the right side. But he soon learned he was wrong. Being with the winchesters especially Dean taught him many things. He learned that heaven wasn't always right. He learned to see though the glamour and see just how corrupt his home truly was. Being with Dean brought out his more human side. The side that knows to question situations, the side that finally understood the meaning behind friendship, and most importantly the side that learned to love.

Never would he have thought that he would give his life for a mere humans. But now he would gladly break any rules or trade his life for Dean.

He was his life now.

For Dean he rebelled against his family, for Dean he started a civil war, for Dean he went to hell to retrieve his brother, for Dean he died not twice but three times, and for Dean he forced himself out of his hermit phase and fought against the leviathans. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that everything he did was for Dean. Sometimes it may not seem like it, but every one of his actions were for Dean.

He had expected Dean to see this but he didn't. It killed him every time Dean would give him that look. That look of pain mixed with betrayal. That look that haunted him till every fibre of his being was raw with pain. But he never gave up. If Dean was mad, he would apologize, and every time he was forgiven. However this time was different. While he was busy with Metatron completing the heaven trials he had ignored Dean when he was needed the most. So even though it hurt that Dean didn't forgive him for his transgressions this time, he understood why and he was fully prepared to do anything no matter how big or small to get that forgiveness he so desperately seeks. Even if it's something as mundane as buying the groceries for the Winchesters and pie for Dean.

"Fall in love, get married, have children and when you die, you will return to heaven to tell me your story"

He could just make out the treacherous voice of his brother, Metatron. He knew what was happening. His grace was ripped out and his brothers and sisters were falling. These were the matters of import, the things that he should be worrying about. Yet they seem so insignificant to him right now.

With one final thought he closed his eyes and fell alongside his siblings.

_'Dean'_

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**So what do you guys think? A little bit into Cas's mind when Metatron was doing that horrid thing to him**

**Please review!**


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